I should be writing my next book. (Two books due very soon ... help!) But God keeps nudging me to get these words down to share with you.
I am Kristen and I am a control freak. I like to know what's going on and when. I like to plan and be organised. I like routine and I like lists. But for someone who works a "day" job with various shifts and never the same days, life is hectic and often feels out of control. It's not a feeling I like. I've been holding everything together for a number of years. Keeping all the balls in the air, so to speak. Appearing to have everything calm on the surface, but underneath, paddling like mad to keep afloat. (Yes, I know it's terrible to have so many analogies in the one paragraph, but so be it!)
My prayer for the past year-and-a-half has been that God would guide my steps with regard to my work. That He would open a door for me and show me where He wants me to be. My "day" job has been quite stressful, and over the course of the past two years, has been sucking the life out of me. I'm sleep deprived. I'm cranky. I have health issues related to stress. I've lost precious time with family and friends. And I'm trying oh so hard to maintain my empathy and compassion. It's not healthy. And yet, every time I prayed and asked God for direction, all I heard was, "Wait."
It's really hard to wait on God when patience is not your thing! Often times, I want to jump ahead of God's plan, thinking I know best. But time and again, I'm reminded of just how good and perfect His timing is.
This waiting period has been extremely difficult, and has made me question what my faith really is.
Do I really trust God?
Am I willing to live by faith and trust in God's sovereignty and His plan for my life, or have I allowed myself to be ruled by fear? Have I placed my future in His hands, or allowed my doubts to cripple me?
Only this week, God removed the blinders from my eyes and showed me that He knows. Do you know just how reassuring that is? Of course I know that He knows. It's something I tell my kids all the time - God knows everything. Don't worry about tomorrow. Trust in Him.
But it's been hard to fully grasp those truths for myself.
This week, I'm starting to see things move. I've been waiting for so long for God to reveal His plan for me, and this week, He's given me the reassurance that my waiting period is almost over. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel - and I am excited, because I know it's all in His plan.
I may not know what my future holds, but God knows. He knew me before He formed me in my mother's womb, and He knows the future plans He has for me.
He holds me in the palm of His hand. I don't need to fear tomorrow, because He is already there.
And that's what faith is. Releasing tomorrow's fears into the hands of the One who is already there. God is already there - how good is that?! I don't need to be afraid of the next step, because He has already prepared the way for me.